I'm going to put some things on the line.
I decided to start Blogging for different reasons, and this particular Blog is a result of my ongoing desire to share information with as many people as possible as to how they may be their
best, which as we all know (on some level) being our best spills over,
ultimately affecting the world.
Here’s what I’m willing to put on the line today, and that is a little financial history for the past several years in my life. I’m sharing this information because I believe it may provide help on some level.
My husband went to West Point and served as an officer in the Army. We spent two and a half years in Korea. We married at the beginning of his tour there, and so we decided it would be best to start our marriage together rather than separated. It was very, very difficult for various reasons, and I will not digress into all the ways it was a struggle…at least not on this post.
During our time there, my husband paid off all his acquired debt he accumulated prior to our union. I did not have any debt when we married. We were looking good financially
(debt free) when we left Korea, and went onto Ft. Knox where he served another year before leaving the military.
There are some women whom handle the military lifestyle with strength and grace. I am not one of those women. This author needs security, more than most due to my extremely insecure childhood. Please note; I made this fact clear to my husband before we tied the knot. So, he knew I was not signing up to be an “officer’s wife” long term.
There is another legitimate factor involved in making the decision to get out of the military. It is very difficult psychologically for most men and women who started serving at the start of their adult years to make the decision to leave the financial stability they have grown secure in having at their disposal, regardless of the complexities the lifestyle requires.
There we were looking at both sides of the coin. I couldn’t stand the lifestyle. My husband wanted to give me the security I craved, but that meant dealing with another type of security that could be compromised by us leaving the military.
My husband’s education should help, but the task of looking for a job in a location that was important for us became one that required my husband to compromise what he would have preferred. It meant taking a pay cut, as well as a position that undermined my husband’s experience, education, and intellect. It was truly an act of love for him to take the position he did in order for us to get out of the military.
However, our best intentions backfired and we took a hard blow for compromising. He was working for an extremely dysfunctional company (which he quickly learned when he started working for them), and there was absolutely no way he was going to be able to “do his best” to find his way out of a no win situation. The job lasted six months, and we found ourselves in a mess. We bought a house when we made the move, and so here we were with a mortgage, and in need of income, immediately. We had one car payment, and no credit card debt. We both had 401 K’s as well as money in savings, but not enough to carry us for months.
My husband and I were both married and divorced prior to finding each other. I was previously a stay at home mom, as well as a caretaker for my mother and grandmother. I had some college, but no specific training or experience in a given field. My ability to supplement our income was very limited. Our intention when we married was for me to stay at home, and not seek a career. But, here we were dependent on his earning potential. And, I felt very limited in what my earning potential could be.
My husband tried going the same route as before in order to gain employment, however the conditions were different. We now owned a home, and for only six months. That meant we did not believe it was best for us to take a position that required a long distance move.
The big “event” happened in January of 2007. When the job hunt was going poorly my husband decided to try his hand at selling health insurance. I did not "feel" good about that decision; however he was now “working from home.” And, I did like having him at home. He tried, but selling health insurance was not working, and we were quickly sinking financially.
We went to a wealth conference around the time all of this was happening. My husband said, “I have always been interested in real estate” which was primarily what the conference was covering. That led to us making the decision to go into business for ourselves.
This is where it gets sticky, and the decline became even worse for me. We lived off of credit cards, we spent all our money in savings, as well as our 401 K’s which total were over 40,000,00 dollars. I felt as though I were having a heart attack every day. It was a huge leap of faith. I was not comfortable at all with using credit cards, I did not believe we should ever use credit cards, and here we were living off of them. I truly thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown when my husband told me to take out the remaining money in my 401 K, as my account was much larger than his. Our success with what we were doing was somewhat contingent on the condition of the real estate market, as well as our knowledge of how to “work” our business. We were just learning and were not in a position financially to rely on learning as we went.
We worked hard and really put our all into making it work. However, after a year we realized we had to do something and it had to happen fast. I pushed for my husband to find a job before he was ready to walk away from the business he was working so hard to create. You may be able to imagine the multiple ways in which we were both being attacked by the events that seemed to be shoving us down a path of stress and breakdown.
All glory to God throughout everything I have shared and the many, many things I have not. My husband gained employment, which did require a move, and we are slowly finding our way to getting back on our feet. We are still in the process of recovering from the financial trauma, as well as some other things that have transpired since we have been married.
I’m sharing part of my story because every day I hear stories of people who are undergoing horrible situations with their finances, etc… Somehow, it has helped me to hear those stories. I hope reading part of my story will be helpful to others.
We are learning a lot from this experience, and we still hold onto our dreams and what we want from our life together. We pursue information about how to stay strong in our faith, our marriage and how to recover and grow financially. I welcome your comments, your stories, whatever you may like to share as we can all help each other not only through the current economical stressors, but through the many challenges of life.
During the time my husband and I were going through some of the hardest parts of the financial storm in our life we really did not have a support group, or people whom we could go to for legitimate guidance. I believe it would have made a huge difference in how we handled what was happening in our life it we had had support and guidance during that season.
I’m including the following article. I hope it provides some insight, comfort, etc…
Health News
Economic Crisis Takes Toll on Emotional Health
Wall Street's roller coaster ride is costing Americans more than money: It's costing them sleepless nights and a heap of emotional distress, experts say.
"People are anxious, and they are more anxious if they are nearer retirement age and have their 401k in the stock market and money in the banks," said Linda Rosenberg, president of the National Council for Community Behavioral Healthcare, in Washington, D.C. "When people get anxious . . . it begins to affect the whole family. There are marital fights over 'What do we do now?'
Kids get involved when parents are fighting and have their own emotional upset."
In some ways, the current upset may hit closer to home than 9/11, affecting larger numbers of people, added Rosenberg, who reported that mental health centers are getting more calls.
"This economic crisis has been going on for months and months and months," said Josh Klapow, an associate professor of health-care organization and policy at the University of Alabama at Birmingham. "If you take the gas prices, and you couple that with home foreclosures, and you couple that with major lending agencies and investment banks going under and retail prices going up, and you couple that with a stock market that crashes plus a bailout followed by a stock market crash, you get anxiety compounding anxiety."
The uncertainty of even top leaders not knowing when the situation is going to be fixed, not to mention the lack of control many people feel, is only aggravating the matter.
Wall Street workers are probably feeling the pain even more.
"I'm seeing a lot of sleep issues, people with gastrointestinal illness and chronic stomach issues, and people who are sicker in terms of colds and coughs and immune issues," said Kenneth Ruge, a staff minister and counselor at Marble Collegiate Church in New York City who also has many clients on Wall Street. "I'm seeing more Xanax and Ambien for sleep aids and anxiety control. The levels of alcohol consumption, I think, are up somewhat among some of my clients."
A recently released poll found that Americans are indeed more stressed than they were in the spring. But there may be a silver lining in this cloudy sky. Experts have the following advice to help cope and lessen anxiety:
Frank Farley, a professor of psychological studies in education at Temple University, said the four "C's" can help people cope. Stay calm. "Don't panic. People who panic do very dangerous things in their life," Farley advised. "Some amount of anxiety is healthy, because it motivates you to do things, but too much anxiety can interfere with your ability to think straight. Be cautious and careful and have confidence. "We have gone through financial crises and recessions, and we have always come out of them," Farley said. "Have confidence that we will again. It's that confidence multiplied 300 million times that will get us out of this. This whole meltdown to a large and significant degree is fueled by psychology."
Take media reports with a hefty dose of salt. "I sure wish some of the pundits would shut up," Farley said. "We have the specter of the Great Depression, and it fuels fear and panic. This nation has survived incredible things." Ruge reported that many clients are going on a "media fast," refusing to read or watch news reports and refraining from checking the stock market averages except occasionally.
Do something. "Translate your worries into action," Klapow recommended. "Any small action that will control some of your finances will be very productive for reducing anxiety. Focus on what you can do."
Maintain a life balance. "If you become consumed with all of the financial information coming out, you will drive yourself physically and emotionally into the ground," Klapow said. "It's important to eat right, engage in pleasurable activities, and strike a balance between attention paid to the financial crisis and attention paid to your well-being."
Take stock of your life. "It's time to reassess how you handle money and how you handle your life," Farley said. "If you get laid off or have a reduction in hours, maybe this is a time to consider, are you happy in this line of work anyway?" Farley said.
